After I split up with an abusive partner in 2017, I got my life together, found a job and emigrated to Canada, met someone and we are happily married, I started work for both the Canadian and British government and until Covid hit was very happy, had a full life, but when Covid happened, both my sister and I got it.
We were told to stay at home and isolate, we were both key workers but they had already had an outbreak at our workplace, but when Justin Trudeau got it also, life was difficult. we always thought we could carry on working especially with restrictions in place but that wasn't to be.
My sister was part of my bubble and so I stayed with her for quite some time.
When we fell ill, I missed my husband a lot and my son's and grand children also, and I couldn't get to see them.
My sister being so much older, got it first and she couldn't lie in bed, because every time she tried, she was coughing up blood, previously we had been told to stay at home and isolate and quarantine for 14 days but when I saw how ill she really was, I panicked and called our private healthcare, tried to explain to them, they said the same as government.
This was in the early days of the virus and I know it was in both countries before the end of 2019.
My sister died February 2nd 2020, the day she was born and I still can't believe she has gone due to the very people who wouldn't help, the people we worked for.
I miss my friend who died with Covid in May. She was such a special person to me. She lived a 100 miles from my home. But we saw each other several times a year. Listening to her on the phone from her home in her final days was difficult. I wanted to hold her hand, I wanted to give her some company and some comfort. I tried my very best to be cheery and kind and understanding. She had supported my family - therefore - in the end, not to be able to reciprocate was awful. But that was not to be, life has been thrown into all sorts of disarray. No final goodbye, no funeral, no celebration of her life. Just another statistic. I feel sad about that. But I am glad she was part of our lives for a long time and that we had shared something good over the years.
Some days I'm tearing my hair out, I feel I actually could do it, some days I'm insane with stress. A special needs child who can't cope with online learning, day after day of trying to satisfy the demands that an ADHD child has, where everything is on fast forward permanently, and there's NEVER enough to fill the gaps. Oh how I'd love some gaps. My own identity a thing of the past, not sure I will ever get it back. Grateful, very grateful, to all those caring for people who are ill and all those who are supporting the lockdown, delivery drivers, supermarket workers etc. But the relationships between parent(s) and children are going to be permanently changed by this, some lucky ones maybe for the better but a lot of us for the worse I'm sure. I'm not sure my child will ever like me again. I feel completely alone with the stress. There is no joy, just survival. This wasn't how I saw my life as a parent!
I'm scared. I'm afraid to leave the house. I'm afraid to answer the door without a mask on. I get angry when I see people not wearing a mask and not social distancing. I'm tired of people saying they want things to "return to normal" because it isn't going to. It simply isn't ever going to be like it was and I'm not sure that's such a bad thing. They are wasting precious time and energy wishing for something that is irretrievable.
My husband is Asperger's and he is driving me nuts. He is always there. He always has a comment and it is always negative. He chips away at me day after day like a long slow drip on a stone. My best friend lives alone and she goes on and on and on about how hard it is now. I listen as she tells me how lucky I am to have someone as I sit there desperate for a moment's peace... and then I feel guilty for feeling that way.
I feel trapped by this horrible virus but I know things could be so much worse.
As my friend says, "I'm tired of this... but we all are, aren't we."
Take Care of yourself
I love you
You Can do it
Happy Life , Aventure and see beautiful Sky today and another Day.
Don't forget your dream -L
Well guys, we've nearly been a year with covid-19. Just wow!
Looking back, i have had some special times made with my children this year. Being in lockdown has bought us all alot closer together, we have all made more time for each other. We have enjoyed the days out walking, and nights spent playing games.
Being a key worker, my children have had to continue at school so i can work.
Something which they have found very hard, due to friends not attending. But i think they have secretly been grateful for. It has kept their routine pretty similar to the norm, and they have been able to interact with people other than myself and my partner.
I am so very grateful for the teachers ensuring they are kept as safe as possible during these crazy times, and adapting to the "new school" days.
I am also grateful my children see us going to work everyday, and appreciate we are tired and exhausted wgen we return home.
But, keeling the talking around the dinner table, followed by a family fame each night keeps us sane. Planning a nice walk and movie each weekend, is keeping us sane. The small moments we catch up with family when lockdown allows & via Internet is so special now, when once was taken for granted.
Stay humble everyone, appreciate what you have 😍
To the English citizen now living in Canada who wrote this intro and more:
Last march, I was very shocked and worried about the whole coivd situation having had it in January and it lasting over a month to get over. People in the UK didn't know back then that it was even in our country and so very little was done to help people who had it early because of no knowledge about the virus, but with all what the governement has to do, not just in making choices for covid but everything else and as always the final decisions made by the pm. its easy to see what a terrible and diffucult task they have in trying to please everyone as well keeping the country safe.
Keep your chin up, keep focussed on the positive, and when this is over, I'll visit as much as I can.
covid 19 negatively impacted my life. I am a financially independent person and with work being shut since the first lockdown my income has been very low. I understand that the furlough scheme was put in place to support us but it's not enough. On top of that I am a btec student who has been put at a disadvantage from other students. The government announced A level exams would be cancelled but didn't say anything about btecs. At this stage I was very anxious and nervous about the outcome of my grades so I stayed up revising non stop only for the government to announce that btecs would be cancelled with less that a weeks notice. I was relived but at the same time panicked because I don't want my grades to be based on my dedication to online learning as I find it very difficult to understand work over online lessons. I just hope that the grade I am awarded is fair and accurate so I have a chance at attending university. I strongly believe that if the government had been more vigilant and strict at the start of the pandemic then maybe we wouldn't be in this situation now as many other countries have been able to rid their citizens of the virus. Another thing I want to point out is how unjust boris johnson has been over the course of the pandemic, I am a Muslim and for us our eid was cancelled the night before and certain restrictions were set in place to ensure we couldn't celebrate, however boris allowed the restrictions to ease when Christmas came around ensuring families could meet and celebrate together. I am very disappointed with how the country is handling the pandemic. The government has not been able to protect us in this time of need.
I started last year relishing the challenge of working from home in the first lockdown, creating enough work for myself, and helping the children with their education. It was actually enjoyable to see all the family so much. By May I was running out of work to keep me occupied and have always felt too guilty to skive off work and fill my time with my hobbies. So I devised work that required being at work and started spending my time planning and recording tutorial videos at work.
Summer came and seemed okay, except my wife started becoming more and more withdrawn into a fantasy game on her phone. She finally accepted that she was addicted to this and stopped playing after several months, but by then, she was spending all her time in constant chat with someone she met in the game. We even managed a week of family holiday camping, but she spent the entire week on her phone. She seems unable to stop this, and is constantly thinking of him and texting. I’ve lost my wife, and she has said she would rather keep him than me. The enforced lockdowns meant she was not getting any other social interaction, and she has descended into this fantasy world which she doesn’t want to leave.
I’m distraught. She is going to leave me and the children, all over something that is a pipedream.
Now we’re in Lockdown 3 and she’s still under the same roof but living separately: it is immensely stressful and upsetting. My poor children too are stuck at home.
My future lies in tatters, with only my children to focus my attention on, and they will both have flown the nest in 3 years’ time. How does a 48 year old rebuild their life?
Winter has come and it is more lonely than ever. I haven't socialised in so long that I have lost who I am. I hope summer comes along with rays of sunshine and I can begin to build myself up again into the social butterfly I once was. Lonliness does still seem a mental health tabboo and seeing others are also experiencing it, does bring some comfort. I think if we could speak about lonliness, then we may not be so lonely... I want change. I want no mental health tabboos. I want to not feel embarassed about feeling isolated and alone.
I stumbled along for far too many years, day-by-day feeling a little more diminished, a little more frightened, living the lie unable to acknowledge my deteriorating mental health and face the truth, all the time outwardly projecting normalcy and holding on to the facade, fighting the constant self-examination and questioning.
Why should I, with all I have feel this way?
Why do I only see negative outcomes?
Why do I harbour these deep depressive thoughts?
Why am I living with this chronic perpetual unhappiness?
But it seemed to me that the lie was the only path to the truth and it must be acted out, the lie one tells to oneself, the lie that feeds from the crowd's applause, the lie reflected in the mirror when the actors mask is removed, the lie in the shadows cast at the stage exit, when the audience is gone when you’re all alone the lie is always with you, nourishing on the negativity of restlessness, uncertainty, and self-doubt.
The habits formed by the lie inevitably play-out with a dystopian script of call and response, learned verbatim, “how are you today?” they ask, “fine” the hollow reply comes, and so it continues the subterfuge acted out in front of an audience of strangers, invited guests, family, friends, colleagues.
“Life goes on,” they say, “Snap out of it”, “Man-up” what can you do but act the part, so I did, whilst secretly collecting the soundbites to stash away, diligently placing them side-by-side. behind glass, they sit with the negative thoughts, self-doubt, dread, anxiety, and panic attacks all are on display at the secret museum in my mind, curated in the exhibition “Out of sight, out of mind”
This confidante is life in the lie, day-by-day, week-by-week, month-by-month, year-by-year, this is the story of a high-functioning depressive, living with the ever-present danger, the nightmare, that is the threat of being found out, of having to face life outside of the lie, or as you may call it, truth.
Then, one day, you find the museum in your mind is full and with an innate inevitably the weight grows too great, the shelves creak at first, then give way to the overwhelming burden and your world crashes down around you revealing the lie within, without impunity, it scorches your soul and burns those around you, and the burn leaves a mark when the lies nemesis arrives when you have to face up to it you truly understand how truth can hurt too, but it’s too late and the collateral damage is out of your control.
And so the scene is set for Act II, the curtain raised and the spotlight picks out the stage-fright visible on the protagonist's furrowed brow. The story must play out now, but there’s hope, a faint hope which, for now, holds back the lie and keeps the darkness away.
Time, understanding, acceptance, and empathy the route back is like a personal yellow brick road - the path has many turns, crossroads, and choices and you must accept the path is harder to walk alone.
I moved to London for a job 10 years ago. I live on my own and used to love it - I lived a big life and enjoyed having my own sanctuary of calm in which I could recharge.
However, owing to Tier 4 and then lockdown, I’m now full time working from home. I have not had direct human contact for 25 days. I’ve not had physical contact for six months, which was the last time I saw my parents.
I feel like I’m a ghost, haunting the life I used to live. The isolation is crushing. I’ve lost all motivation for anything. I can’t concentrate. The silence is overwhelming.
I can’t tell my friends and family just how awful this, because I don’t want to add to their worry about me. How can I tell people that I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t stop the panic attacks when there is nothing they can do? I would feel worse for it.
So instead I shout from my own personal void into this one.